So as a mom of two boys – Bryson is in full toddler-some mode and Ryker is trying to be Mr Independent: both being very close in age – sharing is something that we have to deal with on a daily basis! Not only for the boys but for all of us…
Is sharing that important?
You may ask if whether teaching or implementing the concept of sharing is that important. The importance of allowing a child to learn to share is not “just” so they can play with others, but it is an important life skill – it is about teaching them fairness and compromise – something we all (including adults) need In life – in relationships – in work environments and many social interactions we come across. Understanding that “WE” cannot always get things the way we want and allow us to appreciate our emotions and how to deal with many of life’s unexpected events is part of the skills in sharing.
How to encourage your child to share?
There are many tips that can be shared to allow and encourage your child to share but as always, they learn and see everything that WE do – so be sure to not focus entirely on their skills of learning but also on your own. Relationships take a lot of compromising and understanding – that in itself is something that is vital in demonstrating to your children. Other than what we as adults show our kids, here are some other specific pointers:
- Giving praise when they share the smallest of things. My littlest is a little chubba – no one can eat if Ryker isn’t eating so of course when Bryson wants to eat a banana he makes sure to break off a piece for his little brother. Whenever he does these little things I am sure to acknowledge it and praise him as much as possible and now whenever he eats, he is sure to tell me that Ryker wants some too.
- Playing sharing games. This can involve anything and everything where you can allow them to take turns doing something – now we have a very big family which is great and full of love – but with eight cousins under the age of 4 – family events can sometimes be very interesting! Some things we try and get the little ones involved with is taking turns hitting the baseball, playing football and soccer and riding the bikes. Allowing them to not only develop on their gross motor skills, hand, foot and eye coordination we try and emphasize them each “taking turns” in doing out of the ordinary and fun things.
- Encouraging conversation on sharing and providing them with expectations. As we love having events at our house and with the amount of children (and adults) it can sometimes be daunting but we try to talk about these events before they unfold. For example, Bryson all your cousins are coming to play. You are going to need to share your toys if you want them to stay and have fun with you. Of course, every child feels the need to be territorial over their own toys and naturally can cause events to unfold where they do not want to share so this is when communication is crucial in calming the situation down. And if your child has specific toys that may be close to heart or importance, discuss with your child that you can put this away and safe to avoid any problems.
With this being said there are many times, where it feels as though teaching your child to share can be more complex. There are many times, where I have overheard parents telling their children in public places things I do not agree with – or even caught myself saying and trying to retract… Yes I am not perfect – and being a parent is not easy!
Things that in “their” or “my” mind, we think we are “teaching” but if you look at the bigger picture it actually sometimes can confuse your child and teach them the very wrong things.
Always look at the Bigger Picture
Have you ever been in a situation where another child comes to a play date with a favorite toy of theirs? Have you ever caught yourself saying or thinking “Johnny will not share, his toy” – there is no forcing a child to share their “special toy”. They may have earned this prized toy by doing something of importance and been praised accordingly – like going poop on the potty – so to expect them to now share this very toy is not always the right thing. When and if they no longer want to play or feel like they want to share is when it is ok…
Think of it like this – if you worked your ass off because all you have ever wanted is a sports car – you are not expected to share your car with everyone if you don’t feel like it. One thing is offering and inviting friends to go for a drive but if you were called every day and told that you need to take a “friend” to work or doctors, etc. you would not be happy.
Similarly, when you are at a public place and there are toys that don’t belong to anyone specifically – to expect your child to wait until the other children have had their turn and not to teach your child to force them to “move” so they can play. This can sometimes lead to other children not sharing or understanding the concept of waiting their turn. You can easily catch yourself in this instance saying things like “He doesn’t know how to share” or “Maybe it is time to let others try” but is this really teaching our children anything? Isn’t this offering them an opportunity to learn that somethings in life don’t always happen as they should. It is in scenarios like this that we as parents question ourselves – and this is when we have to try and place these scenarios in our everyday life of dealing with scenarios to understand the fundamental learning process not only for our children but for ourselves.
What are some of your sharing techniques? Feel free to “share” and let me know what you think about sharing and its importance or even if you have a great scenario that made you question how to teach it – just remember sharing is caring!
Love Clarissa
